Last year was the year of weddings for me. I attended 3 weddings for loved ones and yes I was extremely happy and excited for them but deep down I wondered when will I receive my happily ever after. Now as 2020 begins, it has become the year of baby showers. Between family and close friends, I have quite a few baby showers to attend. All are deserving women who get to experience pregnancy with their partner. Wow! I know that should be the norm however it was never the norm for me when it came to both of my pregnancies. I always wanted to know how that felt to have that kind of love and support from the person you created life with.
Now back to the subject at hand, unrequited love. Webster defines unrequited love as love not returned or rewarded. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? I know I have and it is by far one of the most painful experiences to undergo. There was a man that came into my life and treated me in a way I never experienced. He made me feel beautiful, sexy, wanted, appreciated, and loved. He made me feel like I was amazing the way I was yet supported my goals. I mean when you been in abusive relationships where you have been constantly criticized for everything you do, say and wear. Someone who treats you the complete opposite is like a breath of fresh air. However, he did not want to be in a committed relationship with me and was very vocal about it. But it was too late, I had fallen and fallen hard. Letting go just wasn't an option for me and he continued to allow me around forming a situation-ship.
There are plenty of people out here in situation-ships with people who they know for a fact do not love them back. Situation-ships waste time that you will never get back and sets you up for even more disappointment and heartache. Or how about being friends with someone you know you would like to be more with but they are not interested. But you cant help how you feel and you secretly hope one day their mind will miraculously change.
Life is too short to be waiting on someone to see the value that you can and will bring to they life. If this person recognizes your worth, more than likely it will be once you are over it. I been there and they always want to come around when you have emotionally checked out. So here are some tips that have helped me cope when experiencing unrequited love.
1. Say goodbye to all illusions. Understand that what you want it to be and what it really is, is not the same thing. Wake up! He has told you that he does not want to be with you. So what, he still sleeps with you. What man wouldn't still sleep with someone convenient? You can convince yourself that eventually he will see your worth but the proof is in front of you. Pay attention.
2. Isolate. Yes, I said isolate. I know how it is when you are so into a person and you just want to make your presence known. You want to stay in contact. You want to see them in any way that you can. Who cares if its not a date? Who cares if it is just some text messages or casual DMs? You just want to have some type of connection the person you love. I get it but this is not healthy for you. Distance is key to get out of "unrequited love". Out of sight and out of mind is the goal.
3. Distract Yourself. Do what you have to do to keep yourself busy in idol moments so you wont be tempted to reach out to this person or stalk they social media. What are some things that bring you pleasure outside of this person that does not want you. Train yourself to work on a project whenever you get tempted to reach out.
4. Love Yourself. Focus on your self-care. Sit down and really write what this person you have fallen in love with brings to the table. How does he make you feel? When does she make you feel that? Once you answer these questions, ask yourself. Do I provide myself with these things? 9 times out of 10 the answer is no. BOOM! There you have it. Confirmation to love on yourself more and apply all the things you believe she is giving you to YOURSELF. I can almost promise you once you do that, it wont hurt anymore that he does not want you. You will realize that it is her lost and you will be open to love someone more deserving of that love.
Just because a person doesn't love you the way you love them doesn't make them a bad person. It just makes them the person that is not meant for you. You have to coach yourself at times to remind yourself that it is OK that he doesn't want you. It is OK she doesn't recognize that you would give her all she ever wanted in a partner. Once you wholeheartedly understand your worth and your value, it becomes easier to let go. The pain is still there as with any breakup however you will be secure in knowing that it is the person's lost and not yours.
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